A DM’s Guide to Handling Problem Players the Right Way

By Luke Hart

Today in the Lair we’re going to talk about something every dungeon master eventually has to deal with, whether they like it or not: problem players.

And to be honest, while I’m framing this in the context of Dungeons & Dragons, this advice applies to just about any tabletop RPG you might be running.

In this post, I’m going to do two things. First, I’ll cover some general principles for dealing with problem players—the stuff that applies no matter what the specific issue is. Then, in a follow-up piece, I’ll dig into specific types of problem players and how to handle each one. But before you can deal with individual cases, you need a solid foundation for handling conflict at the table in a healthy, effective way.

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Why You Must Deal with Problem Players

Let’s start with the uncomfortable truth: if you don’t deal with problem players, they will erode the quality of your game. Slowly, steadily, and almost inevitably.

A single problem player can drag down the experience for everyone else at the table. Worse, they can drive away your good players—the people who show up on time, engage with the story, respect the group, and actually make the game better. I’ve seen this happen more than once: the solid players get frustrated and quietly leave, while the disruptive player sticks around. Then you’re left with exactly the opposite group you wanted.

So if you take nothing else from this article, take this: deal with problem players early, before the damage spreads.

The Core Formula for Handling Problem Players

The good news is that dealing with problem players usually follows the same basic pattern, regardless of what the specific issue is. You have a conversation with the player about the problem behavior and try to resolve it like an adult.

In most cases, I prefer to have these conversations one-on-one, outside of the game session. That gives the player space to listen without feeling embarrassed or defensive in front of the group. That said, there are times when addressing an issue at the table, with everyone present, makes sense—especially if the behavior is affecting everyone in real time. Use your judgment.

What matters most is how you frame the conversation.

Using the SBIR Method

One of the most effective ways I’ve found to handle these conversations is the Situation–Behavior–Impact–Request method, often shortened to SBIR. It keeps the discussion focused, fair, and productive instead of emotional or accusatory.

First is the Situation. Set the context. Clearly and calmly explain when and where the issue occurred. You’re not arguing or venting—you’re establishing shared facts. For example: “We were in the middle of a big fight against ghouls in the dungeon.”

Next is the Behavior. Describe the specific behavior that caused the problem, without exaggeration or personal attacks. Stick to what happened, not what you assume the player intended. For example: “During that fight, you had your character leave combat and start opening additional doors in the dungeon.”

Then comes the Impact. This is where you explain how that behavior affected you and the rest of the group. This part is critical, because many problem players genuinely don’t realize the consequences of their actions. For example: “The rest of the party felt abandoned in the fight, and when you brought additional enemies back, they were frustrated and angry because the situation became much more dangerous.”

Finally, make a Request. Ask clearly and directly for a change in behavior going forward. This isn’t a vague suggestion; it’s an actionable request. For example: “This is a team-based game. I need you to play as part of the group and avoid doing things that knowingly create serious problems for the rest of the party.”

That’s it. Situation, behavior, impact, request. Simple, clear, and surprisingly effective.

What Not to Do: Punishing Characters In-Game

There is one mistake I see dungeon masters make over and over again, and I want to be extremely clear about this: never address player behavior by punishing their character in-game.

Do not kill their character. Do not curse them. Do not target them with unfair encounters. Do not “teach them a lesson” through the fiction of the game.

In my opinion, that approach comes from one of three places: stupidity, cowardice, or ignorance. Sometimes it’s a mix of all three. It avoids the real issue, almost never fixes the behavior, and often makes the player even more disruptive out of resentment.

If a player is causing problems, you deal with the player—not their character.

What If the Problem Doesn’t Go Away?

Sometimes, one conversation fixes the issue. Sometimes it doesn’t.

If the behavior continues, talk to the player again. Give them another chance. Be clear that the problem is ongoing and that it needs to change.

Then ask yourself an important question: is this a showstopper?

If the behavior is annoying but manageable, you may decide it’s something you can live with. No group is perfect. But if the behavior is actively harming the game, stressing you out, or driving other players away, then you need to be willing to remove the player from the group.

That’s not fun. It’s not dramatic. It’s not something most dungeon masters enjoy doing. But sometimes it’s necessary.

The “But They’re My Friend” Problem

One of the most common objections I hear goes something like this: “Luke, the problem player is my friend, and I’m afraid dealing with it—or kicking them out—will hurt the friendship.”

Yeah. That’s real. And it sucks.

There’s a very real chance that confronting a friend or removing them from the game will strain or even end the friendship. That’s a risk you have to acknowledge honestly. At that point, you have two options. You can avoid the conflict, tolerate the behavior, and hope it doesn’t ruin the game for everyone else. Or you can address the issue directly, respectfully, and accept whatever outcome follows.

Personally, I’d rather take the risk and do what needs to be done. If you handle the conversation with maturity and diplomacy and the friendship survives, great. If it doesn’t, then you’ve learned something important about that relationship. A friend who expects you to sacrifice your time, energy, and enjoyment—and the enjoyment of everyone else—for their behavior might not be the kind of friend you need in your life.

Dealing with problem players is part of being a dungeon master. It’s uncomfortable, it’s awkward, and sometimes it’s painful—but avoiding it only makes things worse. Handle issues early, communicate clearly, and remember that your responsibility is to the health of the entire table, not just one person.

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