The D&D Player That Thought the World Revolved Around Her

Written by Luke Hart

I’ve been game mastering for nearly 30 years, and most of my players have been regular human beings. However, every so often you get one of those rare specimens that makes you question your faith in the human race—or just question if the player is actually human or not. Emily was one such player.

By the way, if you're looking for a low level pre-made adventure module for your D&D 5e game, I highly recommend Into the Fey. It's designed for levels 1 to 5, features tricksy fey and their sly schemes, and contains everything you need to play!

Watch or listen to this article by clicking the video below.

Okay, so when Emily joined the game she promptly declared, “I’m here for maximum chaos!” Which is fair, I guess—everyone has their own playstyles. However, she then went on to interrupt my descriptions to make “wacky” decisions. For instance, we didn’t even make it through the NPC quest-giver speech without her trying to steal the king’s crown. Thankfully, another player shut her down.

Later on, when another player shared that they loved immersive roleplay and disliked romance in-game, Emily loudly proclaimed her rogue was going to “woo” their paladin. This decision probably tied in with her love for chaos, I guess. And just for kicks, I guess, she then grabbed someone else’s dice, rolled them for her “roll to woo” as she called it. And this is before I could even tell her that she wasn’t allowed to roll dice to woo another character, because, well, that’s just ridiculous.

Look, there’s nothing wrong with players communicating the parts of the game they enjoy—in fact I would encourage it—but they should then allow the GM and other players to accommodate it where appropriate, not force it upon everyone to the detriment of the game. Emily also needed to listen to others’ preferences and help to contribute to their enjoyment. The game doesn’t revolve around her.

And she probably should not have touched another players’ dice. That’s like apparently a bad thing to do without permission. It might even be in the Dungeon Master’s Guide these days. Like, you know, when common sense is no longer common, we need to put it in the official rule books just to kind of cover your butt.

Next, during a tense dungeon crawl, Emily derailed the session by rambling about her character from another campaign, oblivious to the group's eagerness to continue. Like, hello, we’re kind of doing something here. And you could see the other players’ faces were like “shut up, let us play the game.” Later, when I described a solemn scene in a ruined temple, Emily loudly joked about her barbarian breakdancing.

Come on. Learn to read the room already. Leave your unrelated stories for before or after the game. Respect the tone of the game, too. And stupid forced jokes that no one laughs at—please spare us.

A couple times she got phone calls from her husband, took the call at the table, and then got into a heated argument. At that point, it’s like I don’t care what your personal problems are, take that crap someplace else. It was awkward for a few minutes as we looked around at each other with faces that asked, “is this really happening” before I finally had to practically yell at her to leave the room.

You gotta remember that EVERYONE’S FUN is important, not just yours.

At a different point in the campaign, Emily’s rogue constantly refused to share loot. She would sneak ahead and take her pick of loot she might find. Out of character, everyone knew what she was doing, but in character they didn’t. And let me tell you that all the other players were—well, let’s say not happy. However, Emily defended the actions by declaring—can you guess? CAN YOU GUESS?—“that’s what my character would do.”

I feel like if you ever have to say those words to justify your actions, what you’re doing is probably wrong and you shouldn’t do it.

Oh yeah, by the way, her barbarian died because of something stupid she did, and that’s saying something considering this was D&D 5e. Like you gotta work really hard to die!

Anyway, during battles, she would constantly give orders to the other players and ignore other players’ ideas. I call this “Commander Syndrome.” Don’t, don’t do this! Nobody wants you to tell them how to play their character, whether in battle or out. Instead, listen to others’ ideas and support their plans.

Again, despite Emily’s confused opinion on the matter, the world and game did not revolve around her. Don’t hog the spotlight. Make a character that has a reason to work with a team, and is then a BOON, not a detriment, to the team.

This leads into another problem Emily had. Every time another player started their turn, Emily had a habit of chiming in with, “You should cast Fireball here,” or, “Why aren’t you using your bow?” Once, when the wizard hesitated, she snatched his character sheet so she could review his spell list.

Look, no one wants a backseat player. Trust other players to handle their own turns. Offering advice occasionally is fine, but constant interruptions undermine others’ enjoyment—and, frankly, probably annoys the crap out of EVERYONE at the table. Shut your mouth and let other people take their turns.

This next part infuriated me.

In almost any game session, Emily would avoid any plot hook I introduced like the plague. She would declare something like, “Oh, my rogue wouldn’t care about that.” She would ignore things like missing villagers and cryptic maps, instead preferring to do something like going to a tavern to start a pointless bar fight.

It got so bad that I literally had to tell her to retire her rogue and go make a new character that actually wanted to go on adventures with the rest of the group. This is part of the social contract of playing in a TTRPG that is a group game. I don’t expect a player to be all pumped up for every plot hook I drop, but at some point when you avoid EVERYTHING, I’m done with you.

At the very least she could have told me what sorts of adventures might interest her so I could make a few up her alley, but I couldn’t even get that out of her. I think it was like a game for her. Game master gives plot hook; I come up with reason not to do it.

Oh, and after putting up with all her crap for longer than I care to admit, I never got a “thank you” from her. You know, “thanks for the game session”—that sort of thing. I don’t expect accolades, but “thank you” from time to time is appreciated.

Oh, but it got worse.

Emily spent good portions of the game sessions nitpicking every rules call, citing obscure passages from the Player’s Handbook to justify her absurd actions. And sometimes it was petty. Once I described a dark, ominous forest, and she interrupted, saying, “Actually, shouldn’t my character see everything with darkvision?”

And check this out, she once made us spend 30 minutes debated the definition of a five-foot reach. Like we’d been playing for over a year, and five-foot reach was measured from center of square to center of square, meaning you need to be adjacent to a creature to reach it. But then all of a sudden she wanted to argue it because it was advantageous to her in the moment to redefine it.

Is it too much to ask for a player to respect the game master’s rules calls? It’s okay to discuss something a bit, but once the GM has made the call, that’s that. And accept that sometimes the game master is going to be wrong; that’s life.

And the interruptions. Holy crap. I’d be in the middle of a description and she’s butting in to say stuff or make an unrelated side comment. I cannot stand it when players interrupt me when I’m giving descriptions, narrating, or adjudicating something with another player. I give my players plenty of time to talk, but when you interrupt me, it stops me from running the game.

Emily was also what I would call a “backseat GM”. Another player would have a question that the GM would usually answer, but in an attempt to prove her knowledge or something, she would rush to answer before I could. And sometimes she would be wrong and I’d have to correct her. Like, just let the game master answer game master questions. Is that so hard?

Oh, and Emily loved to make secret plans about things her character was going to do, but she wouldn’t share the plans with me. It’s like she thought I would undermine her or something. But how can I possibly adjudicate something if you won’t tell me what you’re doing. It’s just ridiculous. Either trust me as the game master, or find a new group.

And don’t lie to me and try to trick me. I’m here to ENABLE your fun, not kill it.

Finally, I found out that Emily would often go on social media and complain about the game and my game mastering. If you have a complaint about the game, or there’s something you think I could improve, TELL ME. Ranting on social media doesn’t help anyone.

Oh crap, that’s kind of what I’m doing isn’t it? [shrug] Well, sorry Emily, sucks to be you.

Disclaimer: Emily is a fictitious character created to protect the identities of the not-so-innocent players who have committed egregious crimes against their fellow players, their game masters, and humanity in general. Nothing in this mostly fictitious story was intended to make horrible players feel called out, but if you personally do feel called out, it’s really your own fault, and you should leave an angry, spiteful comment to make yourself feel better. If you bailed on the video before this disclaimer was shown, again, that’s really your own fault, but you’re welcome to grace us with seething hatred.

Confront Devious Fey and Their Tricksy Plots!

For years, the fey creatures inhabiting Pelview Grove to the north and Pelfell Bog to the east have not been a source of trouble, though perhaps they were a shade too mischievous at times. That has now changed.

Beset on all sides by a variety of issues -- childish pranks gone wild, dwarves forced out of their own brewery, and farmers missing -- the Aeredale guard is looking for help from local adventuring parties to set things right.

For those brave souls who accept the call to adventure, it'll be time to go into the fey.

If you’re looking to start up a new 5e campaign or reboot your current one, Into the Fey may be exactly what you need. Designed for levels 1 to 5, Into the Fey contains everything you need to start playing:

• Eleven fey-themed adventures for level 1 to 5 adventuring parties
• Over 40 new fey monsters
• The fully fleshed-out town of Aeredale
• Maps of Aeredale, the surrounding region, and the Fey Plane
• Player handouts
• Hag potion system
• 15 new fey magic items
• JPG image files of all Into the Fey adventure maps, including GM versions and gridded/non-gridded player versions
• JPG images files of all Into the Fey world maps
• Digital tokens of Into the Fey NPCs and monsters

Pick up the Into the Fey Ultimate Bundle to get the hardcover, the PDF, digital maps, and digital tokens.

Starting a new campaign can be tons of work; let Into the Fey do some of the heavy lifting for you!