You Don’t Need Friends to Start Playing D&D

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There is a phenomenon in the tabletop roleplaying space where LOTS of people have the books, read about the game, learn the rules, and participate HEAVILY in online discussions in places such as Reddit. However, these same people don’t have a lot of experience, or ANY experience perhaps, actually playing the game. Sure, they’ve played Baldur’s Gate 3 and other popular D&D computer games, but as far as butts in a seat at a D&D table, or even a virtual D&D table, nope, nothing. But, oh boy, can they make some MEGA REDDIT posts despite their lack of experience, not that they’ll tell you so much, of course.

Now, this phenomenon has a term that I’ve heard before, but for the life of me, I can’t remember it, and my Google fu is failing me. So, today, we’re just going to call it armchair gaming.

Now, my goal here is not to knock on these folks, as frustrating as it can be to have an online discussion with someone who clearly has never actually done the thing you’re discussing, because here’s the thing: it’s kind of not their fault. Well, it is, but it isn’t. Let me explain.

Why Finding a D&D Group Can Be So Difficult

Finding a TTRPG game to play in can be daunting at times. Most folks only have so many friends in their circle, and only some of them may be interested in D&D or tabletop games. And then you have work schedules, family life, and all the other things we have to juggle in our day-to-day existence that can get in the way of getting everyone together at the same time.

BUT it’s right here where these armchair gamers go wrong, and why they can’t find games to play in.

Okay, now that you’ve suffered through that, shoot, what was I talking about? Right, armchair gamers can’t find games to play in.

I Found My D&D Players by Looking for Strangers

Look, when I first started DMing D&D 5e in 2015 or thereabouts, I had a similar problem: I didn’t really have any friends I could invite to play with me. I had recently moved back from Central America where I had served as a missionary for 4 years and was just getting back into the swing of things. I was in a new-ish city, all my high school and college friends lived far, far away, and those early years were spent working my face off because I was broke and had a family to provide for. That left me with little time to make new friends.

So, when I was getting back into D&D after a bit of a break and I needed players, I turned to Reddit and making posters at game shops. Now, despite Reddit’s well-earned reputation as the craphole of the internet, I found lots of good players there. People who could play IN PERSON in my own city. I had one or two bad apples, but overall not too bad.

But here’s my point, I didn’t reach out to my friend group when I wanted to play D&D, because, well, I had none. INSTEAD, I reached out to STRANGERS. I just wanted to play D&D; I didn’t care if I knew the players or not. It didn’t seem like it really mattered to me. If they wanted to play D&D, and I wanted to play D&D, well that’s a pretty darn good place to start, right?

Found Some Players? Now Give Them a Game Worth Coming Back To

Finding people who actually want to play is only the beginning. Once you have a group, you still need to keep them engaged, handle the countless problems that come up behind the screen, and run sessions everyone looks forward to.

The Secret Art of Game Mastery is packed with practical advice for doing exactly that. It covers preparation, encounters, pacing, player management, improvisation, and the other skills that help turn a group of players into a long-running campaign.

If you want to improve your skills behind the screen and run better games, check out The Secret Art of Game Mastery.

Why Playing with Strangers Worked So Well

For years I ran two D&D groups, playing every other week with each, so games every Saturday for me. And when a player would leave for whatever reason, I’d find a new player from Reddit or game shop posters. So, playing with strangers was just NORMAL for me.

And the super interesting thing I found, too, is that many times I become FRIENDS with these strangers. Imagine that. You spend 8 to 12 hours a month together with the same folks, and you sometimes become friends with them. Crazy how that works.

Oh, and we were NUTS in those early years of playing D&D 5e. Our games would usually start at 4 pm on Saturday and last until midnight. That’s 8 hours per game session, for those who ride the math struggle bus like I do at times.

Stop Waiting for Your Friends to Play D&D

But here’s the thing: I think these armchair gamers, who I presume struggle to find games to play in, would have much better luck if they were willing to play with strangers. Because what I constantly hear is that folks don’t have friends who want to play and thus they can’t play. But that premise is erroneous because playing with strangers works, and it works darn well in my experience.

And it’s even EASIER these days now that playing TTRPGs online is more and more a thing. With sites like Start Playing, ANYONE can find a game to play in on a day and time that works with their schedule.

What About Paying to Play D&D?

Now, at this point we enter into the classic objection of PAY TO PLAY, and the dissenters are going to come out of the woodworks here. They’re going to talk about the good old days when no one charged for a HOBBY that should be done for the PURE JOY of it, not expecting anything in return.

But you know something I’ve found? Sometimes you get what you pay for.

A constant recurring argument against playing with strangers online is how many HORRIBLE CRAPPY games there are, toxic players, traumatizing experiences, you know how this goes. Shoot, there are folks who have entire YouTube channels dedicated to D&D horror stories. Apparently it’s a thing.

Again, I refer you to this adage: Sometimes you get what you pay for.

But, I digress. This is not the topic of today’s blog post, though I’m more than happy for you to argue about this in the comments. I am not above poking the bear, as you should well know by now.

Sometimes Strangers Become Friends

However, here’s something else that I’ve found after years of playing with strangers. Something super cool.

For about 10 months now, I’ve been running a Ghosts of Saltmarsh campaign on Start Playing, and the same 6 players who started playing with me are still there. And this is a WEEKLY game, and it’s not cheap, for what that’s worth. But they are all still there, and something amazing has happened after playing every week for four hours for nearly a year.

Friendship perhaps? At the very least an affinity for each other. And why do I think that? Because we are all driving or flying across the country to get together IN PERSON to play D&D for a few days. And no one is paying anyone for anything, either. No one is making money from this, except the hotel and the pizza place, I guess. We’re all doing it because we just want to play in person together.

And it’s not just me doing all the DMing because I’m some semi-famous YouTube personality or something. I’m not sure I could survive three days straight of running games. No, everyone is taking a turn running a game. We just want to hang out together.

Now you tell me there isn’t something special there.

And this, my friends, is why I play D&D with strangers.

Because sometimes something special happens.